Illusion
by forfirith87
Summary: Syaoran's secret inner thoughts.


"In here is speech"

(In here are song lyrics)

- In here are thoughts -

Syaoran Point of View

(My worlds an illusion

Nothing is really real)

All this traveling between worlds seems just like a dream. Am I dreaming? Am I awake? How do I know?

I can't even remember the name of the world we've landed in now but all the people are the same. It's like reading a book where the characters never change but the author just swaps their roles when he gets bored.

(I'm insecure when I'm alone)

It's the middle of the night and I'm the only one awake. Fai offered to stay awake with me but I told him I'm OK. I lied. When I'm alone that's when I'm plagued with these thoughts.

Its my fault the Princess lost her feathers. Its my fault that we're so slow at getting them back. If only I was stronger...

(Spotlight aimed get ready

To spin the lies of my life)

The sun is coming up and I know Kurogane is an early riser. I raise my hand to block the sunlight that starts to spill over the green grass and trees all around us. I hear Mokona wake up. Time to lock away all the bad thoughts. I need to be strong. I can't show any weaknesses.

(My illusion is my home)

Everyone's awake now and we're getting ready to explore. We landed here when it was already dark and we decided it was safer to quickly look for shelter and wait for morning. I smile at the Princess as she looks at the white flowers that surround us. Those flowers could never compare to her but I can never tell her that.

(Hidden behind a mask, no one sees through)

No one knows how I truly feel. They see the confident and determined Syaoran that will stop at nothing to get back the Princesses feathers. I am that person... At least I am on the outside. Inside, I'm worried about everything. What dangers will we run into each time we land in a new world? Will we ever find all of the Princesses feathers? Am I strong enough to protect her? My thoughts are running in circles...

(Can't keep up with this pretending)

We've been wandering around all day but all we've found is more grass, flowers and trees. We were lucky enough to have come across a river which we've been following in the hopes of finding life. Mokona still hasn't sensed a feather. Worlds like this are the most frustrating. We waste so much time wandering around with nothing to show for it.

We eventually stop as the light starts to fade. Kurogane offers to catch some fish for our dinner. While Fai prepares his spices he purchased in our last world. The Princess is with Fai, fascinated by his knowledge. I go off in search of enough firewood to last us through the night.

I wander aimlessly, picking up random sticks and twigs as I go. I'm not focused on my task. I'm focused on my own thoughts.

(Hidden behind a mask, no one sees through

I'm so confused, lost in my lies)

I feel tears of frustration prick at my eyes as I kick a large stone out of my way. I don't notice the Princess until the stone almost hits her. She looks at me with worried eyes. I look away and wipe my eyes fiercely, hoping she didn't see my moment of weakness.

"Syaoran? Are you OK?" she asks, her voice and eyes full of worry as she takes a step closer to me. I involuntary take a step back. "I'm OK Princess, but what are you doing out here? It could be dangerous." I can't take the look of worry in her eyes so I look at my feet pretending to look for firewood.

I hear her take another step closer to me but I don't move. She takes another step forward and whispers, "I was worried about you." It feels like a hole has been punched in my chest. I look up at her and I see tears starting to form in her beautiful eyes. "There's no reason for you to be worried about me, I'm..."

"Don't say you're OK." she says quickly, interrupting me. "You don't have to lie to me Syaoran." she takes another step forward, I could touch her if I put my hand out. I open my mouth to argue but she shakes her head. "Please don't lie to me. I see how much you suffer everyday. I know you're suffering because of me." she says as she drops her head.

(Do you want the truth now?

About who I am?)

"Princess..." I drop my firewood and take the final step and lightly touch her arm to comfort her, to my surprise she throws herself into my embrace. She wraps her arms around my waist and buries her head into my chest. I freeze for a moment before I return the sweet embrace. I breathe deeply, enjoying the moment for as long as I can.

"Princess... You're right. I'm not OK. I worry day and night about you, about whether or not I can return all of your feathers. I worry about if I'm strong enough to protect you. I worry about what dangers await us every time we go to a new world. Will the people we've met before be friends or foes? Will I always be able to protect you?" I tighten my hold on my Princess and she tightens her hold in return.

"I believe in you Syaoran. You work harder than anyone to help me. You constantly risk your life for me. There's no way I could ever repay you for your kindness." She pulls away a little but still stays in my arms as she looks up at me, her eyes full of unshed tears.

"Syaoran. I don't know what I would do if something happened to you. But I do know this. You are the strongest person I know. I believe that one day, we will find all of my feathers and I will get all of my memories back. Even though the road is dangerous, I know I'll be OK, because I have you by my side."

She gives me a breathtaking smile so full of innocence and purity and I return her smile with one of my own. "I promise I will be by your side until the day I die Princess." I watch as her cheeks turn pink. Just as I start to pull her closer, I hear the breaking of twigs and several curse words.

The Princess look around and see Kurogane lying on the ground with a giggling Fai and Mokona next to him. "Oops, looks like we've been caught!" Fai says playfully as he jumps to his feet and brushes the dust from his clothes. The Princess and I laugh at our comrades and I pick up the firewood I dropped before.

"If you're quite finished eavesdropping we should get started on dinner." I say as I take the Princesses hand with my free hand. She gives me a shy smile and holds my hand tighter. I still have my worries, they won't go away until the Princess' feathers have all been returned, but at least now I know I don't need to face them alone.

Here's the full song if any ones interested and if any Evanescence fans read this, these lyrics actually fit in with "Everybody's Fool".

My worlds an illusion

Nothing is really real

Spotlight aimed get ready

To spin the lies of my life

My illusion is my home

No one can tear me away and

It's not the solitude that saves me

Don't leave me here cause

I'm insecure when I'm alone

Oh, how I hate it

Can't keep up with this pretending

Cause now you know that

My illusion is my home

No one can tear me away and

It's not the solitude that saves me

Hidden behind a mask, no one sees through

I'm so confused, lost in my lies

Do you want the truth now?

About who I am?

You wont love me any more

My illusion is my home

No one can tear me away and

It's not the solitude that saves…

My illusion is my home

No one can tear me away and

It's not the solitude that saves me


End file.
